Tag Archives: marriage

What I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage

At the beginning of this month, George and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. This makes me a marriage pro….NOT. I know I still have a TON to learn about marriage. However, after reflecting on the past year, I have jotted down 10 things I have learned about being married. This past year has really been an incredible ride. Some days it feels like we have been together forever, and some days it seems like the wedding was just yesterday.

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So if you are looking for a little marriage advice from a newlywed, or just want a glimpse into my dream. Here goes!

 Every day is  like being on a date

I have had 365 (plus a few) date nights in a row. And it rocks. Every day, every night I get to spend with my favorite person. We have found that if we want to go out, we need to make an effort to make Friday night plans in advance. If we don’t, it will always be a pizza, a Redbox, and sweats. Here’s the catch though, I love Friday night’s like that 🙂 Don’t worry we are not hermits, we get out plenty, its just that I used to have a bad case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) that has totally vanished.

Before: A Friday night in your jammies watching Netflix by yourself = lame

After: A Friday night in your jammies watching Netflix with your husband = a date night of relaxing bliss to look forward to all week long

If I want something done, I can’t be picky about it

I’m a control freak. I am particular about the little things. I have learned if I want the dishes (or enter any other chore here) done I can’t be picky or I end up doing them myself.  So what if he uses a little too much soap, I am not the one scrubbing, soaking, and rinsing after dinner.

If you don’t want to live in a battlefield, don’t start a battle.

Some things don’t matter in the big picture. If I got upset every time the toilet seat was left up, I would spend more time chasing him down to yell at him than it was worth. I can choose to get angry, find him, yell at him, ORRR I could put the seat down and go. (Middle of the night exception…if I fall in, you bet I’m gonna wake him up and let him know haha).

Also don’t miss understand me, its not about bottling up the anger, or becoming a push over. If something really does bother me, I try my best to have a sit down conversation about it.  The angry, heat- of-the moment, conversations usually don’t go as well.140104_560

Forgive quickly

I admit, this is one is very much a work in progress. One huge difference between a room mate and a husband, is after a fight, you know he still loves you. A fight with a room mate could potentially, hopefully not, but potentially, ruin the relationship forever. When the lease is over, you can move out, life moves on, and never see them again. Moving out/divorce is NOT an option in my marriage. So why stay angry? Anger is hard work, and the longer it goes on, the harder it is to get rid of. Take a few minutes, cool down, think about the situation and what needs to be changed in the future, then forgive and move on. Heck, making up is the best part. Get there as soon as possible!

You catch more flies with honey

Some times when I am feeling like I haven’t been getting the love/appreciation I want/ deserve, I tend to get bitter and crabby.  I can really start to feel down when he doesn’t seem to notice me, appreciate something I’ve done, or hasn’t been particularity affectionate. I can either begin to sulk, snap at him or I look at myself and the way I have been treating him lately.  Getting angry sure won’t make him want to love on me. These things tend to go in cycles (he wasn’t feeling appreciated so he didn’t seem to appreciate me etc.). When I step back, I almost always see something I wish I was doing better in the relationship. Then I am honest and explain myself and my feelings, and bring up the items I want to work on along with those I wish he would pay more attention to. It’s kind of like  the saying,   “If you want to be treasured, be treasure.”  Work on yourself first before you point out the other’s flaws.

Love is not a feeling

In marriage, some days you don’t feel the giddy “puppy love” you felt on the wedding day. That’s okay. Love is not a feeling, it’s a commitment. No matter how I might be “feeling” inside, I made a promise to love, respect and honor him. He might not seem so “loveable” at all times, but its my job to love him, and his job to love me. Those moments (or days…maybe even weeks or months) pass, and uncover new amazing reasons to fall more and more in love with one another.

Respect

I read a book before I got married that talked a lot about how men yearn for respect in the same way women yearn to be loved. Of course it works vice versa, but something in men’s wiring associates respect deeply with being loved.

“Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33

It doesn’t mean that women don’t need to be respected or men don’t need to be loved. Its simply drawing attention to some ways that God made men and women different and therefore

have different needs. This is something that I have kept in mind throughout  the first year of marriage. Poking fun of my husband or correcting him in public are big signs of disrespect. If something bothers me, its best to address it in private.

 Team work

“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together”.    – Robert C Dodds

Such a great quote!  We are not the same person. We do not always agree, but we can come to a compromise. We often say to each other “Can you be on my team here?”. We might not totally understand each other all the time, but we do work to stand together. Looking at each other’s point of view, discussing the situation broadens our perspectives.  We are not that couple that does EVERYTHING together.   We both have our own activities, some of our own friends, and enjoy alone time.  I think this is really important in all relationships (dating and married).  We can exist without one another, but we are better versions of our selves when we are together and/or have each other’s support.

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 Blow money is essential

 I am a budget nerd. George and I have some lofty goals for our finances and savings, as a result, we keep a tight budget. I really think  having this “blow money” would help anyone who argues about finances even if you don’t keep a formal budget. In our budget we have a section for each of us that is called “blow” money (Dave Ramsey FPU Term). This is kind of similar to an allowance. This is a set amount that we have each month to spend on whatever we choose. As long as you stay in the limit, no arguments are allowed. It can be saved up over the months for something big, or blown on little items here and there. For example… I have a lot of cute boots. Do I need more boots? No. Does George want me to spend our money on boots I don’t  need? No. BUTTTTTTT. If I find  a pair I really want, and have enough in my budget for them, he can’t complain that I spend too much money on shoes.  If George decides to spend his blow money on remote control helicopters, or silly phone apps, I can’t get on his back (if he keeps it in his limit). The rest of our budget money is generally used on stuff we need, or purchases we decide on together.  We have some rules on determining what is considered a “blow” purchase, but I could write an entire post on that. (Comment or message me if you have questions on this). Overall, it really keeps us from having financial arguments.

It’s great to start off every day with a hug, kiss, and a smoothie.

My favorite place in the entire world is snuggled up my face in his chest for my morning hug before I leave for work. It’s hard to have a bad day when I start it off feeling loved, protected, and provided for by my man.

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Here is to many many more years of marriage to my favorite husband and to many many more life lessons to come. I pray that I remember these lessons years down the road and remember this feeling of love, gratitude, and excitement I have towards my husband. This year has been an amazing adventure and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I am so thankful for the family and friends that have been there as support to our relationship and as an example of love in our lives.

Do you have any advice for year two? Comment or message me please!

Blushing Bride Series: Intro

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Our. Wedding. Was. Amazing! Better than I could have ever imagined. It was truly such a wonderful day for so many reasons. I have so very much to talk about and so many people to thank who helped to make George and I’s day so very special. It was so cool to see the product of all of our hard work come together so wonderfully.

One of the coolest things about the whole event was that so many of my closest family and friends all came together to celebrate and support me and my husband.  When else in your life will you be surrounded by so much love from people who have helped shape you and your spouse into the people you are at that moment.  I mean think about it. Every other party you go to you may know some people, you may even know the majority of people, but at a wedding you know everyone and everyone is there because they love you! What could be better?

Check out this photo. This was the “small” group of people from the school and church where I grew up. People that taught me, played with me, watched me grow.

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I struggle writing this intro to the series to sum up my feelings about the day as a whole. It is just so hard to do, as I was filled with joy the entire day. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if I had tried. Where do I start? I think I may have to jump right in!

Here is what to expect over the next month or so, who knows, there may even be more? I will turn this list into links as I post the dirty details!

  • Rehearsal Dinner
  • The reception Venue
  • The décor
  • The songs
  • The dress
  • The accessories
  • The invites
  • The guest list
  • Our first Dance
  • The honeymoon
  • The wedding party
  • The ceremony
  • The move
  • Registering
  • Changing my last name
  • The photos
  • The snow

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Thanks for being patient for my posts! I am busy being a wife and learning what it really means to be married 🙂 ‘

PS Its great! I love my new roomie/ test taster/ smoothie maker/ cuddle bug/ team mate.

At the end of the wedding reception someone said “Wow! Can you believe its all over now?”( I know what she meant. The seven months of my life have been devoted to planning every last detail of this day, and now the planning has come to fruition. Still,) I responded with a “Naw, its just getting started!”. Its true. Things haven’t slowed down for us yet. Every day is a new adventure! George and I had never lived together before. We are learning more about each other  and finding a groove together  (and trying to fit both of our stuff into a tiny apartment).  He is started a new job this week and we are working out the details of our benefits, budgets, daily routines, and of course tacking the thank you notes. Those things might seem dreadful to some, but for me it’s exciting. I am a planner and organizer so yes I get a little trill from the nerd side of me, but most of all each thing we do means that we are growing together and really starting a life together as one!

Series Photo Cred title page to Teddy Menke

Friday Favorities

Writing to you for the first time as Mrs. Terlep! Eeekk! It still seems so weird to me. I am REALLY EXCITED for  a wedding  series I am working on.  I have been capturing  my thoughts, feelings, and special moments of our big day as well as the entire planning process. It’s not quite ready yet as we are still getting settled back in KC  and enjoying our first few weeks as a married couple.

In the mean time I thought I would share a quick post a few “Friday Favorites”.

No favorite products or foods today. Instead, my favorite moments this week 🙂 So far this year has been so filled with joy in the moments big and small I am just trying to soak them in!

My favorite memories of this week:

  • My name was chosen for an attendance prize at a MU engineering alumni happy hour. My thought process and I excitingly walked up to choose my prize. “I just spent every evening this week moving stuff around the tiny apartment to make room for my husband and wedding gifts. We have NO room for ANYTHING 😦 . But I won! 🙂 I can’t turn down free black and gold loot.  Maybe there will be something small? Oh yay! An umbrella…there is still room in my car!!!!!”

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Pumped about my new Mizzou umbrella 🙂

  • Getting out of the shower every morning and hearing my husband cranking up the vita mix for a healthy green breakfast smoothie. Did I mention that he hasn’t started work yet and could be sleeping in?
  • Finding out that one of the sweetest girls from MU lives in my city, AND her boyfriend lives in my apartment complex!! Yay for more KC friends 🙂
  • Literally every time I get on Facebook and see photos from our wedding and I get to relive little moments of such a beautiful day. Thank you friends and family for bringing your cameras to the wedding and freezing these little moments of joy 🙂
Photo Cred to Aunt Joan and Katie Hocker
Photo Cred to Aunt Joan and Katie Hocker
Photo cred to Teddy Menke
Photo cred to Teddy Menke Photo cred to Aunt Mime
Photo cred to Aunt Mime
Photo cred to Ed Ferguson http://www.edfergusonphotography.com/
Photo cred to Ed Ferguson http://www.edfergusonphotography.com/

 

  • Coming home each day to a hug from my this handsome man.
Photo Cred to Teddy Menke
Photo Cred to Teddy Menke

I hope you have had some moments this week worth remembering.

Stay posted for wedding  detes!! To hold over until then, here’s what my sister and  MOH’s had to say about the wedding 🙂

I should be getting some beauty sleep

I should be getting my beauty sleep. It is 11:00 pm and tomorrow is my wedding day! I am so overwhelmed with joy and happiness I want to document these thoughts down before they slip away in the hustle and bustle of the big day tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day I have been dreaming about since before I even liked boys. I have always imagined what this day would be like, what I would wear, how I would feel, and most importantly, who I would marry! The last seven months have been making these girly dreams a reality. Tomorrow my wedding fantasies will be realized and seven months of planning will come to an end. Yet tomorrow marks the start of a beautiful journey. The start of a life united with George, my very best friend. I know it sounds cliche, but he is the first one I want to talk to when I am excited, sad, frightened, or confused. He is the one I look forward to sharing all the moments of my life to come.

As the Lord said in Genesis 2:24, I will be united with my husband and two will become one. That is huge! Today I am me, one person, and tomorrow I will join together with George and become one with someone else.From this day forward, my life is joined with his and my decisions and actions are no longer solely my own but that of my family. 

Right now I wish I had more of a gift of getting my thoughts down into type. My heart is exploding with emotions I just don’t know how to describe. I want to remember this feeling as I look back on my life, when things get tough, or when I want to tell my little squinty eyed children about the day I made a promise to their daddy.

I am so excited to see so many people I love all in one place tomorrow. Everyone will be there to celebrate US! The amount of love and support is truly overwhelming. So many loved ones traveling from near and far, braving the weather to help us remember this day!  The well wishes and generosity of our friends and family makes me feel so incredible special and loved.

I must get some sleep now! If you are reading this before Saturday, please say a prayer for those driving, for beautiful weather, and for a smooth day! We really appreciate the love! 

Our First Couple’s DIY

If you have been reading my previous posts, you know that I have been traveling and wedding planning this past month. Although it has been great, it means a lot of time away from my special guy as he is working two hours away. Thanks to technology, we have been able to Skype, call, and text non-stop all month, but actual time together has been more rare than we are accustomed to. This past weekend, I was so excited for George to come to my home town where I have been wedding planning. We made the most of our weekend together, not with a typical romantic date, but with a less traditional bonding time. We undertook our first Do-It-Yourself home improvement project!

My dad recovered this antique table and set of chairs from a relative who recently passed away. The set is very old and was in very bad shape. Most of the chairs were tottery and broken, the surfaces were scratched up and in various states of rehab. Some areas where sanded or colored different, but most edges were rough, and some green paint remains were visible. To me, it almost looked to be in a state of un-repair, but my dad is a fix-it man, and he had a vision.

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Before

Mom and I had some imperative business to be taken care of at our favorite store Kohls, so I let the boys get a head start surveying the project and choosing a starting point. We returned on some serious male bonding, as Dad was showing George all of his secret sanding and wood glue tricks. Dad has been the home improvement type and with years of experience, he has come up with lots of creative tricks. I really liked seeing the first man I loved share his wisdom to the man I will marry!

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Before: The Boys working on the table

I joined in on the hard work, and quickly began to sweat. We choose a very hot day for this project. It started off so well, as I sanded I just kept thinking, “Wow! How cool is this? It is so satisfying to be working together to finish this table that we will use together in our apartment.” This is way better than just spending a lot of money on a finished table from a store. This way every time we eat on it, we will know that we (re)built it with out own hands. Well my feelings began to change as the day got hotter and my fingers were numb from the sand paper. (I gave up on the electric sander because I felt like the vibrations shook my entire body). My expressions changed to “lets just give up and buy a table!” “who’s idea was it to put so many dumb curves in the legs” “we are not doing this again”.

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Those dumb curved legs that took FOREVER to sand

We choose a dark color to stain after we finished the hours upon hours. I began to get excited again after we began staining. I loved the dark color and I was beginning to picture the beautiful set in our apartment.

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The Before and After of the Chairs

11 hours (plus probably3-4 more on the sealing), we have a beautiful antique oak dinning set! If you look really hard, it’s not perfect, but I am so proud of our hard work and the gorgeous final product.  I take back all of the negative thoughts I had in the process. It was definitely worth the hard work  and time to have the satisfying feeling when the project was completed. I love the look, the feeling of ownership, and having a piece of my family history in my home. When I eat on my beautiful oak table, and can remember my great-cousin Jackie, my grandma, and the special day of hard work with George and my Dad!

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The finished table!

Now that I have one set under my belt. I decided what’s one more…. Look what I found at a garage sale today.

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It’s a nice a sturdy oak coffee table, that we can refinish to match! George, what are you doing next weekend?

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How about another date?